Two down, one to go

Okay, that title kept going through my head, but it’s actually really really rude of me. So if my roommates ever for some odd reason stumble on this blog, which I doubt, but you never know, I’m really really sorry, and kinda drunk… so forgive me.  I really want you to stay with your man, really.
Once again, I’m sharing more then I should… but those who know me knows already what’s going on and they already know… except my brother… sorry you’re finding out this way.

Mark and I broke up

5 years next month

and it’s now over

and it’s much much better on my part.

I asked him to get his act together and he chose not to over me. In a nutshell, that’s what happened. I really shouldn’t be sharing this, but my subconcious isn’t really working right now, so I don’t give a flying *uck. You can hear all my whinning now. I don’t care. So many people over the years have told me that I should break it off and I just refused to listen. Now, after I made up my mind, people that I care to listen to are telling me that I was doing the right thing, and now have done the right thing. 5 f-ing years. We broke up for a bit, but then got back together and then never ended something that should of ended about 3 years ago when he wanted to dump me when we were on vaction in Florida. I should of taken a hint earlier. I should of realized earlier that it wasn’t meant to be. I should of taken ALL of the opportunities when he wanted to break up with me to take them. Wait, I mean, I should of at least taken the opportunity at least once… or whatever. It’s better that it’s ending now and now in a year and a half when I’m done with grad school. He was 29 and didn’t have his act together… and not to compare or anything, but *UCK! My brother – a YEAR YOUNGER then him has a wonderful wife, job, home, and cat. I want something more with my life, not just sit around and be a bum all the time with a bum. I know, I’m being crude and wrong and I still care about him and don’t think that he’s a complete jerk, but this isn’t something new. This has been going on for several years now. It’s time to start fresh. Or something. Well, it’s time to start focusing on just me and what the heck do I want… since I have no clue.

One drink and I’m a goner. I swear, I’m such a lightweight. I wish I could handle my liquor better… let’s hope this post stays posted. Well, if I wake up tomorrow realizing that I wrote something that I really should share with hm, the people who read this, who I have no clue besides my brother, occasionally people he knows, which I’m really sorry if I’m boring by the way, and a handful of good friends. Well, then nevermind. You know all this, and if you care about me at all, you should know! so f-it. I’m posting and if my spelling sucks, I don’t care. i need to sleep. Sorry that I ranted…. thanks for reading all the way through… I appricate it…

i need a hug. 😦

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